The Things I Wish I'd Said: A Tamaki Suoh Romance
by SerendipityAtLast
Summary: It was never my intention to become involved with the Host Club. I wanted a quiet place to read and do my homework in, that was all. I never expected my world to be tossed upside down when I started high school, and I certainly didn't think my world was big enough for anyone but me. Oh, how naive I was to think I wouldn't fall for his charms.
1. Chapter 1

**The Things I Wish I Had Said**

 _ **Chapters**_

I had never considered myself social so to say. I enjoyed the quiet hidden nooks of the library where the only conversations had were those between me and the books. I loved learning, finding and formulating answers, observing but not doing; I spent the majority of life behind the unexpected twists of a novel. That was the most exciting I got. It was comfortable in that world of mine, where to have a good time, all you needed was a good book, some tea, and an extra couple of hours.

I were to be extremely precise, I guess it was the beginning of middle school that my world's population officially dwindled down to one. Me. I devoted more time to textbooks and less with my friends, more effort went to researching than it did in what I bought to wear. I made it my ambition to strive for greatness, knowing that including other people meant getting hurt and hurting them because they were my competition.

My allies were the fictional characters of my books and together we tackled the obstacles around us with one goal in mind.

Ouran Academy.

I'd heard about it all my life, because, as per usual, it was my destiny to go there in tradition of my legacy family members. Like all other aspects of my life I'd had no interest in this predestined plan from my parents and elderly grandmother. It wasn't until my first official tour of the school that I became entranced with my future there.

Of course the school itself was beautiful, but nothing in my wildest imagination had ever conjured up a sight as the second floor library at Ouran. Beautiful floor to ceiling bookshelves, plush chairs, and a hugeness that promised silence and solitude. It was the perfect place for me to study, read, and to be quite frank it was where I knew I'd feel alive. I pictured myself there basking in the ecstasy of like-mindedness.

Oh, how wrong one naive person could be. My first day began with potential but by study period was crushed into a fine powder like that of silt in the bottom of a furious river. Despite my ideal notions, the library was full of people, males and females alike, gossiping behind manicured hands. Hushed squeals as they hugged between the shelves echoed ever so slightly. You meandered around the cliques, smiling hellos to those who made eye contact.

"It's futile," you heard a voice say behind you, "Stupid rich people, I can't study." They were clearly speaking to themselves but you made eye contact anyway and began into polite conversation.

"Is it always so busy?" You asked the girl quietly.

She gave you a small smile, "At the beginning of the year, always. Give it a week or two and they'll find clubs to join instead."

I held my hand to her with a smile, "I'm Ava."

"Haruhi," she gave you a small smile in return, "If you're really looking for peace I'd try one of the club rooms. They don't open until next week so they're empty."

I gave her my thanks and a quick compliment on her attire, the male assigned uniform, before exiting the library.

I left the rest of my expectations of the first day behind the gentle click of the doors.

If I'd known that leaving my dream sanctuary meant I'd never return the same I doubt I would have had the courage to leave at all. I suppose that some things really do turn out to be for the better, though.

"Avaaa-" my name was drawn out by the twins, almost ghostly, from behind you. If I hadn't become so accustomed to the shenanigans and outlandish host club it might have startled me more. They each took a graceful seat on the arm rests of my chair. "You've been hiding from us, Ava." Kaoru said almost singsong.

"It makes us sad when you're mean to us." Hikaru finished up by leaning close, the ever constant mirror with Kaoru.

I rolled my eyes, gently closing the cover of my book. "I've been studying."

"For a whole week?" Hikaru asked.

"Why would you want to do that?"

I looked up at Kaoru to answer, "Because I made a very good grade on my exam today because of it. How did you two do?"

They raised their eyes from mine to look at each other. "So if you've finished studying-"

"Why are you still hiding?"

The two leaned back in, the ever dramatic duo, humming for an answer.

"To read," I reopened the novel and pointedly gave them each a look before turning my attention away. I learned early on that members of the club were particularly difficult to deter and the best course of action was typically to ignore them and continue on. It worked well for Haruhi, so I'd assimilated my friend's defense into my own.

A heartbeat passed and the twins slinked away with a few more remarks urging me to return this afternoon or they'd come looking. A smile played on my lips as I situated back into my chair, feet dangling over the arm rest.

"There she goes again-"

"Reading that lame teen romance."

I shrieked, my book sliding feet away into the bookshelves. "Kaoru, Hikaru! Don't scare me like that." I put a hand to my chest picking up my novel and stuffing it into my bag. "You have to stop sneaking around, it's not funny in here."

Hikaru smiled devilishly, "In here, you say-"

"Then we'll have to take you out there insead." Kaoru's arm intertwined with mine precisely the same as Hikaru's.

You laughed softly at the two pulling away. "Come on, you'll be late."

It was just like that, my world had expanded to envelop new friends, and a new chapter had begun with high school. It was different from middle school, it was vibrant and exhilarating watching yourself indulge in the people I had watched from afar, to let people into your world and to be met equally within theirs.


	2. Chapter 2

**The Things I Wish I'd Said**

 _ **Grand Moments**_

"Knock, knock."

Startled, I looked up into those violet eyes and nearly melted back into my seat. Tamaki's lips curled up, knuckles still poised near the bookshelf he had used as a door. I smiled in return gesturing for the blonde to enter and sit. "What brings you to my office today, Mr. Suoh."

"I just dropped by to see how you were," the blonde smiled. "You've seemed rather distant lately." It was almost a hum, his voice was so melodic.

My eyes widened for a moment, "Oh, it's nothing, really. There's just a lot of studying to be done." I tried to force my lips upwards and grimaced instead. "The truth is," I paused to wonder if I should admit it out loud or not, "I'm so tired." With my secret hanging in the air I closed my book and laid my head back. I wasn't sure if I wanted to laugh or cry yet so I stayed silent watching Tamaki.

He blinked in silence a moment, too, absorbing the sadness and anxiety I had released to him with a few simple words. Then he placed his hand atop mine with another of his gentle smiles. "There's more to life than studying I hope you know."

"I think it's all I know how to do anymore," I confided.

"What do you do for fun?"

What did he mean by fun? That was an abstract concept to me because I enjoyed seemingly mundane things. "Well, I suppose I read."

"And what's your favorite type of book, princess?"

I blushed darkly and looked at my twiddling fingers. Partly because he turned his host's personality on, secondly because, "Uh, well-"

Tamaki laughed merrily, pulling my chin up. "Why are you embarrassed?"

"I like romance novels. You know, the whole forbidden love, riding off into the sunset gimmick." I chuckled at myself tugging my chin from his grasp.

"Romance, eh? Well, princess, you're in luck. I happen to know a thing or two about that. How'd you like to learn how to have fun sans the book?" His hand was outstretched from his now standing position, a lifeline as I drowned in my lonely world.

I took a deep breath. "No, thank you. I'm sorry, Tamaki. I really do have to study for my exams."

"What's one afternoon?"

I thought a moment looking warily up at the handsome blonde in front of me. It was that very moment that sealed my fate.

I did in fact know of Tamaki's knowledge in romance. I'd seen it firsthand, experienced the effects of that knowledge both in and out of his club.

It just had never consumed me so… fully. Because, in that moment, when his eyes creased shut, his smile wide, I knew he saw through me, I knew he had this entire time. I had finally fallen for him.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Things I Wish I'd Said**

 _ **A Moment**_

 _** This chapter is written from the point of view of none other than Tamaki himself**_

Ava and I were in the same class, and unlike her I didn't study nearly enough to make the grades my father and grandmother expected of me. I just get caught up in the theatrics of making the host club successful. I was given a gift- beauty and charm, and it's a shame that it's not in my future to use it.

"Tamaki!"

Ava dropped her textbook in front of me, the noise echoing through my bedroom. I gave her a sheepish smile as I sat up. "Sorry about that."

She rolled her eyes and my heart sputtered in my chest. Her face was so cute and expressive. "Tamaki, the exam is in three days. Please study with me. If you keep dozing off, we'll never finish."

I laughed at her pertain expression and stretched my arms over my head. "How about a break?"

"A break," she blinked, "You've been sleeping!"

"Ah, but you haven't had a break yet, princess. You're going to get stuck like that if you don't take one soon. Then you'll be all crouched over that dingy calculus book the rest of your life and that's no way for a lady to be!" I flashed her a charming smile as I tossed the book over my shoulder in a flourish.

"Tamaki!" Ava scurried to rescue the tome.

"Aw, come on, Ava. Ten minutes."

She set the book back on the table, "You promise?"

I jumped from my seat, spinning her around with me, "I knew I'd win you over!"

The brunette pulled out of my arms, clearly flustered. It was strange the way making her blush was different than the way it was for the girls who came to the club.

I fell silent watching her stack her belongings properly on my desk before meandering around looking at my room. I was nervous as she peered at the pictures and belongings I had displayed. I'd never had anyone like her in my life. Sure, the host club had come but they didn't see through me the same way she did. Ava was special, she didn't fall for my charms but she liked me anyway. She didn't comment on everything or ask questions she didn't really want an answer to. She was reserved but so free that I didn't understand her in the least. I suppose that's why I was drawn to her in the first place.

"You have seven minutes left, Suoh." She winked at me with a smile and sat on the edge of my bed.

My entire body ignited in a furious blush. She was so pretty it was almost painful to watch her.

I mumbled an excuse and shut my door behind me breathing deeply as I walked down the hallway.

When I returned, Ava was stretched out on my bed, eyes closed and arms above her head. A ripple ran through my body. Her back arched slightly from the bed, her entire figure elongating as she stretched. She then turned to her side with a sigh of a breath. "Ava?"

"Hmm?"

"I think seven minutes is passed."

She smiled, eyes still closed. "I'll allow five more."

I watched her breath in and out unsure of how to continue. She was beautiful. She was… I didn't know exactly how to describe her. My breath hitched when she stood and walked towards me rubbing at her eyes sleepily. Every step she took closer to me made my heart speed up. I wanted her to stop in front of me, wanted her to look up at me, I almost reached out for her as she passed. She picked up her books and proceeded back to the bed.

She smiled at me happily from there. "Let's study here. I've never studied anywhere but a desk. Maybe it'll be more fun."

I returned the smile, the words to describe her suddenly filling all of me. She was perfect, and I wanted nothing more in that moment for her to be mine.


End file.
